Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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