my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
