You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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