this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
