that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
