Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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