i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A bitchslap is in order.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
