the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
