anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
