Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
