Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
