i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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