If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
