Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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