mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
