My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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