Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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