When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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