i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
