I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
