I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
