: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would ride that face into the sunset
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
