Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
