I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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