I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
