I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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