i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
whose parrot is this?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
