Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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