Me. At least after what I've been through.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How external is "for external use only"?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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