Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
