foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
