My nipple is on Facebook.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
