Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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