the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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