Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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