just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Randomize
