The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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