Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
