I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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