I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
