question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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