Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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