i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
