Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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