The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
