Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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