dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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