things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
