You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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