all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
