Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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