i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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