I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
