There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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