will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
