The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
