my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
