you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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