I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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