Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
