and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am spending my child support on dildos
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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