I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
