Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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