i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
