'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
