I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
