You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
