What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
