R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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