I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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