I think i peed on brittanys purse
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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