He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
