Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
