If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
