where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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