So drunk its hurt
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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