Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Found the puke drawer
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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