I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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