census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize