You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
