I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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