no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
