I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
