matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
