Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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