we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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