Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
