How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
